Schnitzel as a Love Language

I won't make it for just anyone

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Most people inherit things like the family bible, a class ring, or even a toolbox from their fathers. My dad left me his stainless steel, double-sided schnitzel mallet. Meat hammers tenderize the meat (duh) and, most importantly, make it as thin as possible for schnitzel.

I can’t swear to this, but I’ve always suspected that one of my previous boyfriends stayed with me because my schnitzel was so delicious. And no, schnitzel isn’t a euphemism — I’m talking about a simple pork cutlet, pounded thin, breaded, fried, and served hot with either a wedge of lemon or a mushroom sauce.

My father was born and raised in Vienna, Austria, but when he was around twenty years old, he and his parents fled to Shanghai to escape the Nazis. They lived in an apartment with two other families, and while they were grateful to be still alive, my dad and his parents had survivor’s guilt.

During the five years they lived in Shanghai’s Jewish Ghetto, my father became an excellent Chinese cook, but he didn’t teach me any of those recipes.

While traditional schnitzel is made with veal, my father taught me to make it with pork. Veal makes me sad, and I don’t eat it. I’ve schnitzeled mushrooms before and am intrigued about schnitzing other vegetables, but they can be time-consuming.

It was always a special dinner when my dad made schnitzel and served it with a jar of red cabbage and fried potatoes.

Almost every culture has some version of schnitzel, like katsu in Japan, Milanese in Italy, kotlet in Poland, and cachopo in Spain. There are different ways of cooking. After the meat or vegetable has been breaded, frying is popular, but you can also bake or air fry it.

Schnitzel is the national dish of Israel, and they make theirs with chicken and add sesame seeds to the breadcrumb coating. It’s a popular street food and served as a sandwich.

When I make you schnitzel, you know you’re special to me.

Jill, Susan, and I went to the LA Christmas Market in December. This was the first year it was held, and it was okay. I’m sure it wouldn’t hold a candle to the big one in Chicago or any of the many Christmas markets in Europe, especially where the food was concerned.

I had to try their schnitzel, and it wasn’t horrible, but it was no competition for when I made it. Because Jill’s birthday is Christmas Eve, and she’s usually with her family, we sometimes miss celebrating her birth. I’ve known Jill since 7th grade and she’s amazing, so this year, her birthday wouldn’t go uncelebrated by me.

Jill asked me to make her schnitzel, so in January, I held a dinner party featuring my famous schnitzel, spaetzle, baked artichoke hearts, mushroom gravy, store-bought mashed potatoes, and German chocolate cake. There was no cabbage because Jill wasn’t a fan; it was her special dinner. Susan roasted some delicious root vegetables (purple sweet potatoes!), and Jean brought one of her incredible salads.

In the past, I’ve done everything in one day and been cranky and exhausted when dinner was served. Now that I’m older, I pre-pounded the boneless pork chops and parcelled the preparation of the other dishes throughout the afternoon.

Andy vacuumed, Kurt cleaned the bathroom, and they did the post-party clean-up.

My dinner party hack was that I used paper plates for the cake—shocking I know. What would Martha Stewart say?

The dinner was spectacular, and everyone, including myself, had a wonderful time. Jill was so touched that I threw the party for her and made delectable schnitzel and Austrian sides (well, sort of). We planned to go to our favorite Thai place the following Saturday, but that Tuesday, the winds and the fires came, and everything changed forever.

I’m glad we had that night to share a meal and solidify our friendships. I’d been able to show this group of friends how much they mean to me. I might not have said the words out loud, but hopefully, my schnitzel spoke volumes.

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I finished the entire “Vienna Blood” series, and it was so satisfying. Luckily, “School Spirits” is back, and there are more seasons of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” “Elsbeth,” “The Irrational,” and so many other great shows. Kurt keeps telling me to watch “Severance,” but I have to give it three episodes to get into it. Three episodes are a lot.

Also, “White Lotus” and “Top Chef” are returning this month. Yes, I do write down when shows are dropping in my calendar.

I’m reading “No One Gets To Fall Apart: A Memoir by Sarah LaBrie, “ a compelling story about a writer whose mother is schizophrenic and her own struggles.

Remember to stay strong, keep your head up while those around you are losing theirs (Kipling), continue fighting for your beliefs, and find some joy daily.